make lemonade. That's what I've had to do in the last few months. My health is in this precarious balance of bad, worse, and absolutely AWFUL. I don't have "good" days anymore. I have good bad days. lol But amidst the awful God is still there. When things fall apart, and you want to cry your eyes out and you do, God is there. When you feel all alone, God is there. When you feel friendless, God is the best friend you could ask for. When the pain and nausea is so bad you can't sleep, God is right there holding you up. When everything in the world seems to be going wrong, God is still there. He hasn't left me. He hasn't abandoned me. He is orchestrating things for my good. For my benefit.
This is what I've been holding on to this week especially because my power chair is acting up. Big time. One side of my foot plate lost a screw and fell down so low I couldn't get up my ramp into my van. All I could do was cry out to God and pray "God, help me!!!" And He did. I somehow finagled my chair inside, drove home, went outside to get the mail, and came back home where I couldn't get inside my own house. Can you imagine the helplessness, the frustration at knowing you can't get in the house because of your disability? Because of something you can't help. All I can say is wow. I almost burst into tears right then and there. I've already been struggling with feeling unwell and now this.
And then I realized I didn't even have my phone!!! I always carry it, but after I talked to my insurance about getting my chair fixed I left it on the counter! I was like oh, God please I don't know what to do! But this is another instance where God was already looking out for me. On the way to get the mail I saw that my neighbor had just gotten home, so I went over there. Another blessing is that her house doesn't have a step up! I could actually go right to her door and knock! She came over and went to open the garage door for me so I could get in that way. I thank God for good samaritans!!! I am so grateful.
And here's another blessing. It was Ben's day off so I was able to Skype with him! I got to cry (haha), and he got to tell me how to jerry-rig it. lol So when my CNA came today she fixed it up so I can 1) get in my car 2) go up and down any ramp on the streets (I couldn't yesterday). Anyway, I love how God gives little reminders through your bad days that He is there and that He loves you. It helps so much. :-)
Oh, another issue with my chair is my battery is running low ridiculously fast. Hopefully, I can get it all fixed soon! :-) Please pray that I can.